Stupid String
by Makku to Chizu
Summary: Kaname's attempts are in vain. He just can't cut this stupid string! Warning: Crack Fic, OOCness. Beware of language and Zero's perverted comments.


"Dammit!"

"…Kaname-onisama?"

"What?"

"Umm…. What are you doing?"

"Just give up, Kuran. You've tried every tool in the goddamned house, including my gun!"

"Don't get your hopes up. Your gun was just faulty."

"Yeah, yeah. Keep telling yourself that bullshit…"

"Excuse me?"  
"Boys, boys! Kaname-onisama, please…"  
"Yuuki, call Kaien. I need his sword."

"Wha-okay…"

"Why in hell would you need his sword?"

"To cut this fuckin' string!"

"Kuran, just give it up! You're wasting your time, even if it is endless…"

"Is Kaien here yet?"

"…What are you doing?"

"Quick, Headmaster, I need your sword."

"For what reason, may I ask?"  
"To cut this accursed string!"

"What is this string? Why is it connected to Yuuki and Kiryu-kun? And why are you trying to cut it?"  
"It's a stupid red string of fate! You know, the string that connects destined lovers! Why is Kiryu-kun connected to my Yuuki?"

"My, my, my. Kiryu-kun, what did you do to my precious daughter? Nothing naughty, I hope."

"W-What the hell? Of course n-not!"

"Well, there was that one time…"

"What one time? Oh, the horror!"

"It was only a kiss! …Wait, what's that look, Kaname-onisama?"

"A kiss? You KISSED my Yuki?"

"Well, it wasn't even a kiss more than an attempt…"

"You ATTEMPTED to kiss my Yuki? Ok, I need that sword RIGHT now!"

"No, Kaname-onisama! He stopped himself."

"Actually, given the chance, I probably would have kissed you back then."

"You would WHAT!"

"Please, calm yourself. There's no need to shout."

"But are you hearing this, Headmaster?"

"My, Goodness! When did all this occur?"

"Zero, didn't you say that you had a weird dream to cause you to act like that?"

"Yes…"

"Oh, now you're having weird dreams about yourself and my Yuki? Are you SERIOUS?"

"Now who has there mind in the gutter? The dream wasn't like that!"

"Oh really? Headmaster, please, I really need your sword!"

"I don't think so…"

"Kaname-onisama, just please calm down. There's no need to get upset. Besides it was so long ago…"

"Fine, that's it! There's got to be something outside I can find to cut this string…"

"Where are you going, Kaname-onisama?"

"Well, there's no need to slam the door, Kuran…"

"I do wonder what Kaname-kun is doing…"

"Perhaps he faced facts and gave up? Anyway, I need to leave soon, so either he cuts this string or Yuuki's coming with me."

"Yuuki is not going anywhere with you! Stand back, Headmaster, I'm going to get it this time!"

"W-Where'd you get an axe?"

"You'd be surprised what our parents left behind for us. For example, Dad left behind a box of condoms with a note saying, 'Incase Yuuki wants someone else…'"

"W-What? Kaname-onisama, that's…"

"Don't worry, I'll have this string cut in no time now! …Why isn't it working?"

" I think I know who your father left the condoms for, Kuran…"

"No! Shut up! There's got to be some way…"  
"There is no way. It's a string of fate. Accept it and leave it as it is."

"No!"

"Kaname-onisama, it's really not such a big deal…"

"Yeah Kuran, you put us together in the first place, thinking I could protect Yuuki. Now your reaping the consequences."

"Don't make this my fault! Your job was to PROTECT her from Rido, not to become a LOVE INTEREST!"

"But fate will have it…"

"There is no such thing as fate!"

"Kaname-onisama, you're yelling very loud…"

"Kuran, you're looking fate in it's mother fucking face! What do you think this string is? Oh, and I'll need those condoms if Yuuki's coming with me."

"…Do you want me to aim this axe at you, instead?"

"No, Kaname-onisama! And Zero, don't say things like that!"

"Well, would you rather have your first time without protection? And Kuran, you should have thought of that before. I thought you were supposed to be the smart one…"

"Um…"

"What-oh, Headmaster…"

"Um, I think I'll leave you three to your…activities…"

" Are you implying that I am in a threesome together with those two? In that case, I top Kuran. Yuuki can top both of us I guess…"

"W-What?"

"You wouldn't even top me in your dreams! …I hope you don't have those kinds of dreams…"

"Yes, and I'll be leaving now…unnoticed…goodbye…"

"I only have those about Yuuki! Besides, Yuuki can be pretty sadistic, so she would top both of us whether we like it or not. But, then again, Yuuki, I would most likely be topping you now that I think about it…"

"Zero, I'm a little…disturbed…"

"Now you're scarring her innocent mind, too? You have gone too far!"

"Kaname-onisama, please don't point that axe at Zero!"

"Kuran, I was only being hypothetical. Don't take what I said literally. Like I would ever sleep with you in the first place…you're probably the type that likes oral…"

"…"

"I think he's in shock. Look what you did, Zero!"

"He brought this on himself."

"…"

"Kaname-onisama?"

"…No, he's right."

"Now that makes more sense looking back on what you made me do when Aidou left to fetch groceries."

"Private matters are met to be KEPT private."

"Wow Kuran, I didn't know you would do such a thing…and to 'your poor Yuuki' too."

"Like you could do any better!"

"Are you doubting my skills in bed?"

"Of course."

"Oh, and like you're any better!"

"Why wouldn't I be? I am better than you at everything else."

"Acually, Kaname-onisama, Zero is better than you…at that sort of thing…"

"How would you-wait. You didn't Kiryu-kun…."

"Never leave two hormone-driven teenagers who have to say goodbye alone, Kuran. Interesting things happen…and I do recall Yuuki enjoying herself _thoroughly_."

"…"

"Oh, not again…Kaname-onisama, don't do anything you'll regret…"

"…"

"Kuran, put that axe down. Now."

"…I'M GOING TO KILL YOU!"

"Run, Zero!"

"Kuran, chill out! She's the one who threw herself at me in the first place…"

"W-What? I did not…!"

"Yuuki, explain yourself!"

"…Fine! I did! Happy now! I thought it would be the last time I saw him so I thought it should…go out with a bang?"

"Bang, more like scream."

"…You…what…?"

"Kaname-onisama…?"

"…I…You…him…"

"I think you broke him, Yuuki."

"No, you're the one making all the perverted comments!"

"Yuuki, I think he's trying to convince himself that we didn't do _that._ Kuran, you do realize, one stick, one hole, very simple math."

"…Math…"

"Um, Kaname-onisama, we're going to go now…"

"Yes, we have somewhere to be. Nice chatting with you, Kuran."

"…My Yuuki…"

"…So, Yuuki, ever tried anal?"


End file.
